When will purchases ship?
Stickers are printed locally, packed by hand, and mailed in small batches. The confirmed mail-out window will be published here before public checkout opens.
From the Desk of Sandy Bivalve
Support, policies, and other forms of controlled panic.
Simple local fulfillment notes for sticker purchases, secure checkout, shipping questions, and Sandy's ongoing paper trail.
How does payment work?
Stripe securely collects your payment and shipping details during checkout. Clam Slammers never receives or stores your full card number.
Can clams slam against anything?
Only approved surfaces: rock, ground, dock post, select office furniture, and sanctioned SLAMMAGEDDON opponents. Sandy is still reviewing the floor.
Are stickers PPE?
No. Stickers are not PPE. Surface notices are collectible warnings, not a substitute for workplace safety, common sense, or a hard shell.
Is Gary guilty?
The investigation continues. Camp Gary maintains the brine was ambient. The Low Tide Social Club cannot comment on active brine matters.
What if my stickers arrive damaged?
Use the support contact shown on your purchase receipt and include photos plus the Stripe receipt number. Sandy will review the file whenever the evidence behaves.
How do I contact support?
Use the Clam Slammers support contact shown on your Stripe receipt and include the receipt number so the Sticker Desk can locate the correct file.
Where is the office?
The office is underwater. Plan accordingly.